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Showing posts from 2017

When you are not your best friend's best friend

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As much as this can be funny, it is a heartbreaking fact for the one who considers you their best friend when you don’t. How do friendships get to this point? When your best friend doesn’t see you as his/her best friend? If I’m your best friend, it makes sense for you to be my best friend, right!!! Well wrong!!!
I always wondered why my mom (and many other adults I know) don’t have a lot of friends. As we grow, it’s hard to keep friends, let alone make friends. We see those we used to call friends grow apart with us as we follow different life paths. I have heard someone say, “Consider yourself favoured if you ever have 3 best friends in your lifetime”. Change is constant. As we grow we realize that our priorities change and our different journeys make it hard to relate.
The study argues that the reason we start to lose friends is because people spend their younger years experimenting, meeting lots of different people in adolescence before settling down with closer friends as they reac…

An open letter to my 30 year old self

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Dear Temo,
It has been a crazy ride these past 10 years. Some were the hardest rides and some the most joyful rides ever! On Tuesday, you turned 30. You did well by taking a day off from work so you can celebrate your day the way you want to, with one of your favourite humans in this world. Your birthday month took you on an emotional rollercoaster with anxiety clouding your mind, but I am glad you could shake that off and focus on what’s real.
You need to know you have done well for a 30-year-old. Life is not fair, you can do your best to plan the best future for yourself but sometimes it doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it to turn out. That’s the unfairness of life.
The past 10 years made you re-realise your passion for writing, reading and being an influential person. It’s great to see you consistently working on your passions as they shape your purpose. But, you must agree that it has not been easy. That’s the best part about growing up. You realise what works for you and wh…

Why would you want to get married?

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No! I’m not having marital issues and no I’m also not bitter! But why would You want to marry??? Why marriage???
B and I sometimes wonder what the best age to get married in is. I don’t think I would have managed getting married at 23. I didn’t know myself and would have lost my identity in marriage. On the other hand, getting married at the age I got married in, I was set in my ways. So was B. We were happy with how we did life and it was a challenge to adjust to starting our own culture as a couple.


Is there a right age to marry? I don’t think so. The truth is, marriage is for the matured and the forgivers. Not in any way am I assuming the immature are the ones who will not marry, what I mean is, it takes maturity and forgiveness to go through the marriage journey. Another thing is, it’s good to equip yourself with listening to marriage sermons and reading books about marriage before you marry but, I tell you this much, that contributes only 10 % towards your marriage. Nothing can prep…

30 Things I learned Before My 30th Candle

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1.Life is a mystery. You can never know what life has in store for you. It is full of secrets that only get revealed in your life when the time is right.

2.Every choice you make has a consequence. Young or old, every choice you make has a consequence and, some consequences are permanent. So make wise choices.
3.Start saving. Most of us black children are not taught to save from a young age, however we can’t blame our parents because they were probably living just to make ends meet. But, I can’t stress how important this is. Start saving, and start saving from a young age. You will be proud of yourself when you realise how much you have saved decades later.
4.Forgive. As I grew, I have learned that people will offend me, and I will offend people. The key is to learn to forgive others because I don’t know how many had to forgive me.
5.Learn when to cut ties. Know when it is time to move on from a friendship. The truth is, other people are in our lives just for a season and not for a life…

No Compromise

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“I loved her, but I couldn’t marry her because she wanted to pursue her career and I didn’t want my child to grow up without a full time parent at home. I wanted to be a director of a company, and she wanted the same thing at the same time as me. So who was going to be home with the kids when we both have demanding jobs? I couldn’t marry her.”


This is what a man I used to be friends with told me when I asked why he never married his varsity sweetheart. He explained further that it was not because he did not want her to be what she wanted to be, it is just that the timing was not right. Basically what the guy was saying to his girlfriend was, put your career on hold and I will take care of you. Once I am where I need to be and the kids have grown, I will be your cheerleader as you pursue your career.  What he was really saying is, put your dreams on hold for 15 years, and you can always pick up from where you left off after the kids are in their late teens. What he actually meant, in s…

Patterns

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One of the questions I was asked at pre-marital counselling was to share how my parents’ marriage was like. B was asked the same question. I was then asked to describe my mother with one word. I said she is a survivor. I described my dad as chilled. B was asked to describe his parents as well and he described his late mom as a survivor.
Why where we asked to think back and share our views of our parents’ marriages? Well, it is because they did not want us to repeat the same mistakes. From us voicing out our views about our parents’ marriages, we noticed the mistakes they made. We also noticed the good parts about their marriages that we learned from. This exercise was done so that a pattern of past mistakes doesn’t repeat in our marriage.

Have you noticed how every life is made up of patterns? In fact one of my good friends' view in finding a compatible partner for herself included a series of asking generational pattern questions about the guy who was pursuing her. It sounds too m…

Why do you do what you do?

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Growing up is something else! You notice how time passes by so quickly and wonder if you and your peers have the same 24 hours because for some odd reason, they seem to be moving on with life. You realise you have yourself to blame if your life does not turn out the way you would have desired it to. Adult life is definitely no child’s play (excuse the pun!). Another wonder about growing up is what would you be remembered for, or are you even living the quality life God designed for you to live?
One of the questions I don’t like to be asked is “So, what do you do?” I always feel like how I respond to that question, determines what the person who asked me thinks of me. More than anything, I don’t like asking the question because what someone does, is not necessarily who they are. As I build relationships, it is not what you do that matters to me. What matters is, who are you? , And WHY do you do what you do.
WHY DO YOU DO WHAT YOU DO?
When I took a break from blogging and decided to go to…